You are a good mother

I know I post about the beautiful and life changing part of birth… and for some of us it is a smooth and blissful thing.. We breath our babies down and out and into our arms and are full of love and joy and instant elation…. but for the rest of us it is the hardest thing we will ever do. Although our bodies are designed to do this, although our babies come out.. It is not always with gentle lighting and rose petals with soft music in a birth tub.

For many of us it is a ROAR, a Freight Train, a Roller Coaster and a Tilt a Whirl, hat we cannot get off, and we are called to dig so deep it is unfathomable. For some of us we push with the might that would move mountains for hours and hours. For some of us we need to pull from the strength of our Grandmothers and Aunts with utter exhaustion that we are sure will break us for good. For some of us it is not ok, and does not leave us with a feeling of achievement but with a sense of trauma. For some of us it doesn’t feel beautiful and magical and blissful at all. Some of us are stunned for days and feel angry and overwhelmed even when we are well supported, even when we have our babies at home, or with providers we love….And that is OK ,and normal, and real and true for some of us.

Some of us don’t like breastfeeding, and if you were like me you cried for the first couple months and hated it. For some of us we are not in love with babies and feel stuck and trapped with the time it takes to mother this new person. Some of us are in pain and need to heal, or develop a PUPPS rash, or have horrible hemorrhoids, or massive stitches that sting and feel awful. Some of us struggle with making milk and spend hours while we cry trying to get a baby to latch… And dare I say it, some of us feel like we may have just made a huge mistake bringing this person here.

Just because some of us feel all these things (or some of them, or some version of our own) doesn’t make us bad mothers, or ungrateful people, or that we are not looking on the “bright side”. Honor these feelings!!! Speak them out loud to each other!! It is ok to be pissed and be a good mother, to be sad and be a good mother, to cry and say “this sucks” and be a good mother.

So please look at every new mom you know and share your strength and excitement, but also acknowledge that labor and birth is raw and gritty and primal… as I know that through my 5 labor and births I certainly have felt all of those things and more…and it is OK..